Misunderstandings: A Selection from Tony Hoagland’s Application for Release from the Dream (2015)

I thought insulin was what they put in sleeping
bags.

I probably should not have called my class in
feminist literature Books by Girls.

When I compared humanity to a flower growing
in the shadow of a munitions factory,

it may be that I was not
being fair to flowers.

I thought someone was watching and keeping
score.

I believed the desire for revenge was a fossil fuel
that you could drive a lifetime on.

I thought suffering had something to be said for
it.

I said, “Love me better or go to hell.”
I said, “I will forgive when I am good and ready.”

I said, “Rumors of my happiness have been greatly
exaggerated.”

I still don’t understand why what I give and what
I get back in return

never seem to weigh the same.
My favorite days were gray—troubled, moody,

and infinite.
Each time I plunged into cold water, I was happy

in a way that can never be destroyed.
I went a million miles, I don’t know why—maybe

some kind of quest, maybe to hide.
All those years I kept trying and failing and trying

to find my one special talent in this life—
Why did it take me so long to figure out

that my special talent
was trying?

—Tony Hoagland, “Misunderstandings,” Application for Release from the Dream (2015)