On Respecting Honesty (by Chris Nguyen)
“For the first decade of my life, I did not grow up in Montreal. So naturally when I first moved to Montreal, I knew no French whatsoever.
In my third grade French class, there was a rule that said you could only speak in French. But not being able to speak any French, I necessarily had to ask others—in English—how to say various things to even begin finding my way around the language and avoid being condemned to total silence.
While trying very hard to fit in and learn, I turned to my neighbor and politely asked ‘(EN) How can I say ___________?’ so that I could learn the expression in French and hopefully, from that point forward, be in a position to comply with The French Rule™. Unfortunately for me, my distinctive Anglo twang caught my teacher’s ear, and she immediately shouted my name out across the room. ‘Christopher! Did you just speak in English?!’ (in French, of course). I could tell I did something wrong from her hostile body language but couldn't be sure what she was saying. After a few awkward moments of classroom silence, another student whispered ‘She said 'Did you just speak in English?’
At that moment, I thought to myself ‘Should I be honest? Or should I just lie and say that I didn't?’ Remembering that teachers and parents always told me to be honest, I resolved to tell the truth. ‘I think she will appreciate my honesty,’ I thought. And so I replied ‘Oui’ (I knew enough to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ in French), and then sheepishly continued: ‘But I was just trying to figure out how to say _________ because I don't know how to speak French.’
And you know what she did? She pointed her finger at me and screamed ‘Detention! You must ONLY speak in French in this classroom! No recess.’
That moment changed my life forever. I thought ‘Why the fuck should I be honest at all then?’ To this day, I continue to see or be the victim of motherfuckers everywhere who do not exercise any forbearance toward those with the courage to be honest or upfront. I see this among couples, in friendships, in the workplace, on the internet. I hate this kind of moral shortsightedness.
Of course, admission does not and should not guarantee absolution. But it is worth something. We should, in our everyday interactions with others, try to praise and acknowledge acts of honesty, rather than treating them as grounds for even swifter judgment and punishment.
Why is there so much moral unclarity about this? When my AirBnB guests tell me upfront about something they did or accurately declare how many guests are coming, I thank them deeply for their honesty and waive or reduce any fees they would owe. And I tell them explicitly why I do this: because I don't want to contribute to a world where it is rewarded to be a liar or a cheat.
I think I ended up studying philosophy because of situations like these—situations that struck me, even as a child, as deeply unjust and contradicting the constant moralizing I received from adults.
If you do this, stop. When someone apologizes, give mercy. When someone musters up the courage to be honest in good faith, be forgiving. If you are in a position of power, rule in such a way that promotes honesty and virtue among those over whom you exercise power. Any power.”—Chris Nguyen
