The Boomer Doomer

Then the judgy reporter asked the hot chick
in the itsy bitsy yellow bikini
what the fuck she was doing on a beach in March 2020.

“Spring Break, baby!”—she exclaimed,
with the nihilistic exuberance of youthful drunkenness.
“But what about social distancing?”

“Fuck that shit!”—said she,
a little more sober now, a little more serious.
“This thing isn’t gonna kill us.”

“But what about your grandparents?”
“Fuck them!”—said she,
a little more sober now, a little more serious.

“They don’t give a shit about us.
My Fox-News-watching grandparents
don’t even believe in climate change.

Know what they’re calling COVID-19 on Twitter?
The Boomer Doomer.” Then,
like a beautiful child picking the wings off a fly,

she turned to the camera and sneered:
“Still don’t believe in climate change, Grandpa?
Well, guess what, I don’t believe in coronavirus.”

And, behold, the veil of the social fabric
was rent in twain from the top to the bottom;
and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent.

Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them;
for they know not what they post on Instagram.
And they blocked his account, and reported his post.

Of course that bluster and bravado on the beach
was in all likelihood little more
than the post-hoc rationalizations

of a bunch of flaky college kids
who made some last-minute travel plans
in the hopes of getting laid

and failed to get the memo.
They’ll get with the program.
But for how long?

The HIV/AIDS pandemic
eventually gave rise
to the bareback movement.

What kind of Dionysian backlash
will a few more months of #StayTheFuckHome
produce?

Underground speakeasies
with soundproof walls, encrypted guest lists,
and passwords like #FuckSocialDistancing?

Illegal raves that take place,
not in factories emptied by de-industrialization,
but office buildings emptied by the quarantine?

A chain of crack-houses
re-purposed as cuddling clubs?
Mask-optional swinger parties?

Though its specific form remains to be seen,
the Dionysian backlash is on its way.
Eros, like life, finds a way.

Death too.

—John Faithful Hamer, Social Distancing (2020)