Relationship Advice for Assholes: A Selection from Scott Galloway’s The Algebra of Happiness (2019)
“Don’t keep score. It’s human nature to inflate your own contribution to the relationship and minimize your partner’s. Couples who are always taking notes on who’s done what for whom waste energy, and ultimately both feel as if they’re in the loss column. Decide if the relationship as a whole gives you joy and comfort, and if it does (and it better, at this point), then commit to always being on the positive side of the ledger—aim to be generous and do as much as you can for your partner, as often as possible.
Be willing to wipe the slate clean if and when your partner messes up, as she or he will. Studies show that forgiveness is a key attribute to sustainable, happy relationships. One of the main components of our success as a nation is that we give people a second chance. It’s no different in relationships—achieving real love and a sense of partnership will likely involve forgiveness that, at the time, feels unfair and even embarrassing.
As we get older, we get more reward from giving. Keeping score creates a dynamic where you never give in to the real joy in life . . . doing something for someone because you love them and choose their happiness over everything else, full stop. Caregivers are the most important contributors to the species and are rewarded with longer lives. Marriage is a promise to give care, every day.
Don’t ever let your wife be cold or hungry. I mean . . . ever. In retrospect, most of the really awful fights I’ve had with partners have been because we managed to skip lunch. Invest in dual-zone climate control cars, and when you sit down at a restaurant, before you do anything, ensure you are not dining with Satan—a draft of cold air. Try to never leave the house without energy bars and one of those oversized cashmere scarves that can double as a blanket. You’re welcome.
Express affection and desire as often as possible. Affection, touch, and sex reinforce that your relationship is singular. That this person, when all else is stripped away, is who you want. We are animals, and affection and sex are where you can be most who you really are. People who don’t feel desired are more likely to feel insecure, and to like themselves less around you, which can metastasize into the cancers of relationships: indifference and contempt.”—Scott Galloway, The Algebra of Happiness: Notes on the Pursuit of Success, Love, and Meaning (2019)
