A Sick Sense of Humor

Our son came home from flight school
with a worrisome new habit last summer.
He washed his hands thoroughly and often.

Very thoroughly, and very often, OCD often.
Do you think he’s okay! Should he see someone?
Should we get him some help?

How utterly absurd these questions now seem
in light of the coronavirus pandemic.
He was right and we were wrong.

His flight school taught him the importance
of discipline, hygiene, and order.
And they were right and we were wrong.

Everybody washes their hands as thoroughly
and as often as Tristan now.
The cleanliness standards of the 1950s are back.

Because the universe
has a sense of humor,
a sick sense of humor.

If your shaman convinces you to ride into battle naked
because the spirits of your ancestors
will shield you from the bullets,

you’re in for a rude awakening.
Buckle up, son. Prepare for impact, son.
You’re about to smash into The Unforgiving.

If they convinced you to defund your healthcare system
and let the market decide, your nation
may be on a collision course with The Unforgiving.

Because the universe
has a sense of humor,
a sick sense of humor.

Like a family of Young Earth Creationists
who have just discovered a bunch of dinosaur bones
in their suburban backyard,

market fundamentalists are running scared at the moment.
A lot of their solid assumptions about the world
are melting into air.

Just as every homophobe
seems to get a gay son,
and every preacher who says

“God is larger than COVID-19”
seems to die of COVID-19,
every anti-government ideologue

seems to get faced with a problem,
like the coronavirus pandemic,
that only government can solve.

Because the universe
has a sense of humor,
a sick sense of humor.

—John Faithful Hamer, Social Distancing (2020)